Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How does it feel to date your dad?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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