You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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