Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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