and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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