oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize