when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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