i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize