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Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
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