Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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