I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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