I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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