So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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My ass is underappreciated
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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