he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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