..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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