I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
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Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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