This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
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Ketchup is God's man juice
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
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Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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