I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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