i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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