The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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