My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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