So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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