He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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