in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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