I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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