i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
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Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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