Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
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I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
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I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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