It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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