MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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