Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we're making bets on your personal life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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