The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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