She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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