Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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