i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize