he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
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I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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