i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
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Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
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We left the knife in your bed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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