Umm I'm too high to move.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The power of my boobs compel you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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