I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize