i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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