So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had to cum in my sink.
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