dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
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Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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