I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize