I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize