Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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