Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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