Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
But theres a keg here and me gusta
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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