She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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