I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We got so high we made milksteak
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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