were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize