I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
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I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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