this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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